Myrna Wallace
Troy's mother, Myrna Wallace, remembers when Troy told her he was HIV positive. It was the summer of 1984 and HIV wasn't yet a common topic in the mainstream media. Troy called his mom one evening and said he had something important he had to tell her. Given his reputation as a joker, Myrna responded teasingly with, "You don't have AIDS, do you Troy?"
Silence, then, "Yes."
Myrna was shocked. "I said, 'Troy, don't tease your mother.'" "I'm not teasing Mom. Were you?"
"After that, I went out and read every book about HIV I could find," Myrna says. "Because at the beginning, I didn't know anything about AIDS."
A year after his diagnosis, Troy moved to Texas to work for Fidelity Investments, and by 1996, when Troy's health had begun to decline, Myrna was visiting every month. During her December visit, Troy was admitted to the hospital. Myrna and Troy's brothers had come with an extra ticket to Salt Lake so Troy could spend the holidays with his family. But Myrna had made the ticket one-way. "I promised I'd take care of him," she remembers, "just like I did his dad when he was dying. Losing a spouse is one of the hardest things, until you lose a child."
Throughout Troy's illness, Myrna and the rest of the family coped better with his positive status than many of the medical personnel Troy saw in Texas. At one appointment Troy asked a doctor, "So Doc, what stage of death am I in today?" The doctor was so flustered that she left the room and told Myrna that she couldn't be Troy's doctor.
"When Troy was in the care center at the end, it seemed like the nurses were really overdoing it," Myrna says. "They were all dressed up in protective gear. Troy's brothers and I . . . why, we took care of Troy and we just washed our hands really well. And they were supposed to be the professionals! I don't think he wanted to be at the care center. He would have liked to be home."
On Sunday the 15th, Myrna and Troy's brother left for a minute to get something to eat, making sure Troy drank some orange juice before they left. Troy was having a relatively lucid day and he didn't want his brother to go. "BJ hugged him, I hugged him, we told him we loved him, and then we left," Myrna says.
"Relatively lucid" meant it was a good day. "The disease had started getting to his brain, he always knew who we were, that I was Myrna, and this was BJ, and this was [Troy's other brother] Chuck. But he didn't remember who we were to each other. He'd introduce us. He'd say to BJ, 'I want you to meet my mom, Myrna.'"
After lunch, Myrna returned to the care center. One of the nurses stopped her in the hall and said, "Your son expired."
At first, Myrna didn't know what the nurse meant. Troy had been having a good day, and she'd never thought he'd die on a good day. "Are you telling me he died?" she asked, surprised. "But he ate today. He was being funny, being himself."
Myrna remembers, "We used his Christmas ticket to bring his body home instead."
When he died, Troy Alma Harris was nine days short of his 36th birthday. At an early age Myrna already knew Troy was special. "He was so talented. He wrote plays, acted, choreographed. He did some modeling as an adult. He won all kinds of awards. He loved to cook and garden, and he was so good at both."
Myrna also says Troy was special because he was so thoughtful. "Every Mother's Day, Troy sent me two-dozen long-stem yellow roses and a white orchid corsage. And from the moment his dad died, Troy called me every single day for five years."
In high school Troy dated a neighbor girl whose family didn't have a lot of extra money. At prom time, Troy went out and bought his date a prom dress so they could go. Myrna didn't know about that until after he died.
Troy's mother wasn't the only one to notice his gifts. When he was a teenager, Troy's doctor took Myrna aside once and asked, "Do you know how special your son is?"
"Yes, I do," she replied.
"Your son - he really needs his mom, you know."
"And I really need him, too."
As he got older, Troy loved to spend time with his grandmother, Myrna's mother. "He'd say he had to 'get some inspiration' from his grandma," Myrna says. "She filled that spiritual spot in him." And his grandma adored Troy, too. When he came home from Texas for a few months to help Myrna care for his dad, Grandma loaned Troy money for a car. "My mom lived in Price," Myrna explains, "and he had the monthly loan payment sent to the Price florist, so every month with her payment she got a big vase of flowers from him, too."
Troy also had a knack for relating to his nieces and nephews. "He could put himself on their level so easily," Myrna says. "He was just a big kid all the time."
Troy's favorite game with the kids was typical Troy fare. Called "tithing chase," the game was to be played only in crowded stores. "He'd grab handfuls of change out of his pockets, throw it down all over the floor, and yell 'tithing chase!'" Myrna laughs. "He'd watch the kids scramble for it between shoppers' legs and remind them to use their 'church voices.' He always had such a good time."
A good time was exactly what Troy had planned for his funeral, too. "He set aside money to pay for everything - and he had a big event planned," Myrna says. "He made sure his Texas friends could come. He bought their plane tickets, paid for their hotel rooms, made sure they each got a big gift basket. He was very generous, and he had so many friends. Gay friends, straight friends-- everybody loved him."
Like Troy, the funeral was unique and memorable: white limos, dance music, and a huge party afterward. "Three of Troy's friends from Dallas were into that leather scene, and they came in full leathers. People didn't know what to think!" Myrna says. "We were supposed to dance out of there following the casket, but I just couldn't." Myrna did read a poem at the funeral. "It was my first time doing anything like that, and I was so nervous. But he made me promise, and somehow I got through it, for him."
Troy's influence and generosity continue far beyond his friends and family. "He worked hard and made something of himself," Myrna says. She's proud of her son, and rightfully so. "He set aside a portion of his money for charity; half to Primary Children's (Medical Center) and half to the Utah AIDS Foundation. That's how I became a Life Fund member and got involved."
No doubt Troy is as proud of his mom as she is of him. For nearly three years Myrna has been a key volunteer in the UAF Food Bank, offering support and friendship to UAF clients. "I love the food bank," she says. "I love the association with people."
So what would Troy say about his mom's work at UAF? "Probably 'Go Mom!'" Myrna says, laughing, though not without a hint of tears.
-As told by Myrna Wallace to Nick Rupp